Marriage

Mark McIlroy

13 September 2025


Here are my tips for a successful marriage.


1. There is no room for authority in a happy marriage. It must be an equal partnership, not one in charge of the other.

It's not really practical to talk about every issue and make a joint decision. Another idea is for one person to make decisions about some issues, while the other person makes decisions about other parts of life.

For example, I decide when I will work, and my wife decides what we will have for dinner (sometimes after a short discussion).


2. Your partner should always come first. Your career will fade into your memory, your children will grow up and go out into the world, but your partner will be the only one who is still with you when you are old.


3. Spend time together, and time apart. While this sounds obvious a lot of people don't do it.

For example, if life is so busy that you never see each other, then your relationship may not survive.

At the other end of the scale, in retirement, some couples spend their entire time together which is not good for the relationship either.


4. No matter how busy your career is, or how involved you are with your children, find time each week to spend with your partner, just the two of you.


5. If you have a fight, try to hold your tongue and not say anything that is too hurtful, that won't be recovered from. Great hurt doesn't go away and if you do this to your partner, your marriage won't survive.


6. I don't believe that having friends of the opposite sex is really compatible with marriage. Even having friends of the same sex can be a problem.

However we are human beings and need social contact. Some couples become best friends with another couple. This can work very well. It gives social contact and men a chance to talk to another man, and a woman the chance to talk to another woman.

Other social contact includes your own brothers and sisters, brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law, and professional contacts such as co-workers, clients, classmates etc.


7. Don't be afraid to say 'I love you' or buy gifts for anniversaries. The little things are important and they mean a lot over the long term.